Southern Religious Leaders Praise Trump for Relationship with Ms. Daniels

Beulahland, NC -

The Baptist Bishop of Beulahland announced today that the President of the United States was immune from sin. He stated that President Trump had asked for forgiveness at one point in his life and therefore was forgiven forever. When pressed by the attending journalists, he pointed out that the President could continue to go on sinning and having extramarital affairs and it was okay, because: "God always forgives."

Likewise, the Director of Soul Box Ministries, the Right Reverend Frederick Cracker praised President Trump’s relationship with Ms. Daniels, the noted porn star.  He was excited that contributions into his ministry are growing due to his tweeting.  In Rev. Cracker’s last tweet he wrote, “We are excited about using the gospel to expand our white evangelical power.”  When questioned about this tweet, Rev. Cracker suggested that it was okay to shame minorities for their sins, but the sins of white rich people was okay, as in the case of President Trump.  He did go on to state that President Clinton’s sexual sins were not okay, because he grew up poor and was a Democrat.  So in the case of Clinton, he needed prayer, while Trump needed praise.

Rev. Cracker has used his ministry donated funds to support the Trump International Company. He has used Trump International for all of his banquets and other celebratory events. He pointed out that this is another way to support President Trump and white evangelical power. Additionally, Rev. Cracker expressed disappointment with the recent election of Senator Jones. He acknowledged that Senator Jones was an active Methodist that attended church regularly and was known for driving the church bus, but complained that it would be better if a religious pedophile was walking the halls of congress than having a mainstream Methodist. As some mainstream Methodists are known to support immigration policies that are contrary to the white evangelical power movement.

Many southern religious clergy members went undercover to see Ms. Daniels perform recently as she brought her show stopping performance to North Carolina.  The Baptist Bishop said that “Ms. Daniels brought a Mother Teresa quality to her act.”  Referring to the fact that it would take the “Grace of God” for any beautiful woman to sleep with President Trump, he went on to say, "he has a wide rump, a big gut, bad hair and small hands."  Yet, overall the religious leaders praised Trump for getting action while his wife was home with a newborn.

The White Women's Evangelical Forum (WWEF) of the Southern States said that they would once again support Donald Trump for President. As they believed that Mr. Trump never said those things on the Hollywood News or ever sexually harassed any woman. "We believe it was a recording of someone else" said Forum President Anita Orange-Juice. She stated that gay marriage had to stop, but that we needed to support more extramarital affairs. Vice President Pence joined their chorus by denouncing the story that President Trump had been spanked by Ms. Daniels with a Forbes Magazine. "Everyone knows that the Forbes Magazine Empire is owned and run by a Republican family and they would not let their magazine be used for such things" stated Pence.

All totaled the fake news media reminded us again today that many Southern Evangelical Leaders are neither Christian or trustworthy, instead they are power hungry leaders that are increasingly losing their way in a diverse America, by acting and reacting ugly.  

Please note that names and locations in this article are happenstance and there is no reference to real people or real locations.